The experience of being a manager during the transfer window must be like the experience most of us have when we walk into a Tesco Express.
Oftentimes it’s fine, and you’ll find what you need, but if you’re looking for specifics it becomes tough. Either you pay an inflated price or you simply can’t find what you need.
And sometimes I wonder just how hard it must be to be Arsene Wenger. To be constantly looking for specifics. People like Wenger – footballers, the world’s wealthiest people, celebrities – don’t usually venture into mini-supermarkets, but I imagine if Wenger ever did he’d find it a hugely frustrating endeavour.
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After inspecting a loaf of bread for five whole minutes, Wenger would put it back on the shelf, adjust it until it was perfectly positioned, and walk on with only a pint of milk in his basket.
Later on, whilst he enjoys a coffee with his wife, he’ll complain that £1.50 is quite simply a ridiculous price to pay for something he’s going to throw into his toaster.
Ed Woodward, on the other hand, has no such problem.
He’ll gladly buy his milk from Selfridges: ‘No better than ordinary milk, you say? Well this cost double the price, of course it’s better!’
At any rate, this summer’s shopping trip seems to have gone a little like this. Manchester United have spent big and added expensive players to their squad. Arsenal, on the other hand, are the only team in Europe’s big five leagues not to sign an outfield player.
It must be frustrating to be an Arsenal fan and see that. Imagine being Arsene’s wife when he comes home and says, ‘I’m sorry sweetie pie, I didn’t get the eggs for dinner because I’m just not paying that much for eggs. Don’t worry though, the cheese we already had is probably still good.’
In a way, though, he’s not wrong. Would you pay significantly over the odds for eggs? Is Gonzalo Higuain worth a reported £64m? What about Anthony Martial? If you don’t like the price, then simply don’t pay it. And it works in other walks of life too.
Wenger, with his degree in economics, will tell you that it’s basic supply and demand: if consumers stop buying because the price is too high then vendors will simply have to reduce the price. If everyone stopped eating meat then the lack of demand would stop people selling it. If no one smoked, no one would sell cigarettes. Wenger is simply doing his bit for football’s moral compass by reducing the demand for overpriced players!
The problem is, no one else shares his concerns. If I become a vegetarian in order to reduce the demand for meat, my mates will still order burgers for dinner, and the cow still dies. Wenger is not going to reduce the price of players by himself.
But surely he knows this. Surely Wenger isn’t simply holding out on principle. Maybe I’m giving the man too much credit, but he seems like a smart bloke. He seems like the kind of guy who knows all of this already. So why has he refused to sign the striker and the holding midfielder that his side has so desperately needed since the days of Vieira and Henry?
So surely the answer is that when Wenger walks into Tesco, he’s not simply shopping for something for tea. He’s shopping for specific ingredients. It’s not the generic bread and milk Wenger is looking for – he already has a good side – it’s specialised stuff. Wenger is shopping for something to give his curry a zing, something to spice up his stew. He’s shopping for kaffir lime leaves and pink Himalayan salt. He just can’t find that in his local Tesco.
I might be giving him too much credit. Perhaps Wenger is simply being overly stubborn about price, and if he is he’ll certainly pay a bigger price come May when his team yet again fail to win the Premier League. It’s either that or Wenger simply can’t find what it is he needs to finish off his almost-there squad. If you can’t find the right ingredient, it’s best simply to go with what you’ve got – you can’t keep substituting ingredients and hoping for the best.
Let’s give Wenger the benefit of the doubt. It must be frustrating to ask your husband to nip out to Tesco for something for tea and watch him come back empty handed. But Wenger already has a decent squad and hasn’t found anything that will add to it in the way he needs.
I might be giving Wenger too much credit, but I have a feeling the dish he’s cooking up will be tasty, whether it has Himalayan salt or not.
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